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The spectacle does not realize philosophy, it philosophizes reality, reducing everyone’s concrete life to a universe of speculation.

Guy Debord - The society of spectacle

Pieces of me 2

My being has been trained
   for so long to break itself into little
   pieces to fit alienating narratives that 
i cannot separate being from alienation
i cannot separate being from pain
i cannot separate being from
   renouncing to bits of myself
i cannot separate being from being
   swallowed, wrecked and tormented by
   the emptiness that ultimately comes as a result
i cannot separate being from drowning 
   in a chaos of delusions
i cannot separate being from grieving the 
   loss of my authentic self

Paralysis

I am the essence of chaos 

And every move is a deep and painful tear

"Tomorrow" by Salif Keita

This song is about the inevitability of death. Here “tomorrow” means after this life . “Sadio” is the name of somebody who died. Nobody died and came back. Death is inevitable. Sadio, see you tomorrow (after this life). You are everyone’s darling. Ousmane is at a loss since you left for your final journey. All the people of Mali are lost without you. Death is final. Fatoumata and Ba-Oumou are saying how much you mean to them. Sitting or standing, everyone is lamenting your absence. You did such a great work Sadio. Everybody remembers you still. You still live in the hearts of people. Tomorrow, Sadio, see you tomorrow. [x]

Original lyrics—————————————————————————————
tomorrow, only tomorrow, sadio ambe tomorrow x 2

sadio jon te i fe, Ousmane ko, ka bi fe,
ka bi fe, koniete ka le te sigi

sadio jon te i fe, malienw ko,
u bi fe ko, u bi fe, ko ni e te ko ulu te sigi,
mogo ma taa folo kanaa, saya ma son nene ma,
an sayakera nene balidi

tomorrow, only tomorrow, sadio ambe tomorrow x 2

sadio jon te i fe, Fatoumata ko, ka bi fe,
ka bi fe, kono ete ka le te sigi

sadio jon te i fe, Ba-Oumou ko, ka bi fe,
ka bi fe, ko ni ete ka le te sigi

mogomataa folo kanaa, say mason nenema,
an mogo mataa folo kanaa, saya mason nenema,
an saya kera nenebali

tomorrow see you tomorrow, sadio see you tomorrow
tomorrow only tomorrow, sadio ambe tomorrow

English Translation——————————————————————————

I will not feel this way anymore.
I will not remember this feeling.
I will remember the emotion.
I will remember the moment.
It will be a memory.
A recollection, a description.
It will be tainted and impure.
Coloured by mission, by vision, by recollection.

Today…
I cannot capture it. Not even just yet.
I have been blemished. In thought, emotion, mission.
My stomache knots and sinks.
Somersaults in rebellion.
The body will fight the mind.
The heart estranged, must mediate…
Teased and Torn
Unable to do justice.
Eyes mist over. Tears well in the lower lid and spill over.
Brook to stream to river. Outpour, overflow.
Taste them.
Savour the release of Nothing and Something.

So I was watching an interview of Steve Stoute and was like ‘WOW this dude id brillaint’. ‘He is so smart’. So I went on and googled him to know more about him and then … UGH! yUCKKK!

Steve Stoute is one of the money men who engineered and is engineering the commodification of African American culture or how he would probably explain it, make black culture cross-over. Which is nonsensical since we know that sub-cultures DO NOT cross over (on their own), they get appropriated and exploited by the dominating culture which detains the power. 

This guy sold a cultural identity as an ACCESSORY - whose only value is linked to its  ’cool factor’ - to the world and by doing so, took it away from its originators to throw it like a simple rags at the feet of  Fortune 500 companies. He is the guy behind Jay-z and G-Unit deals with Reebok.

Also Steve Stoute, who is dark-skinned btw, is notoriously color-struck. He was for a long time one of the big names of an industry - the music industry - who unapologetically hates dark-skinned black women and has been erasing us from the media, EVEN WHEN IT PERTAINS TO ‘BLACK CULTURE’!!! He is also behind Carol’s Daughter’s move to publicly disown black women - a group of women who made that company - by launching a campaign with only racially-ambiguous and light-skinned women to represent the ‘diversity’ of their demographics and go after a ‘poly-ethnic' market. I know they are bitterly regretting it today, especially since Solange left! In Steve Stoute's perfect world, dark-skinned black women would not exist, I guess. 

Basically Steve Stoute is one of those people who think that racism can be ended by selling brownness and blackness to white people as disposable objects of consumption. Yeah racism can be ended by the capitalistic exploitation of minority groups’ identities. I am not even kidding; he had a show called the ‘Tanning of America’ (¬_¬)! This is not the first time I hear something like that. I remember watching Jay-z - you know, that dude who was selling Occupy Wall Street t-shirts to get his pocket fatter off a movement protesting against the excesses of capitalism (-_-” )- saying something similar on Oprah. And I am certain that Russell Simmons would agree with him.

What is interesting to note, is the fact that though the cultural exploitation and appropriation of African American culture ultimately benefit white-owned Fortune 500 companies, behind the scene, they are engineered by African American money men who get idolised for their ‘success’. I don’t want to have a simplistic and moralistic view of this because well, we all live in a world where ‘success’ is seen as something to aspire to and is tied to one’s position on the hierarchical capitalistic and exploitative machine. So I cannot blame people from an oppressed minority for trying to survive by embracing the values of the oppressive group. What I find interesting is the ease with which capitalism absorb EVERYTHING!! Even things that are in essence against it. Henceforth, if we need to sell ourselves to the money God, one of the many god of white supremacy, can we ever escape from it? I guess this is why all black movements of resistance around the world embraced Marxism early on. After the collapse and failure of the Soviet Union, is it reasonable to think that capitalism, with its phoenix-like abilities, can ever be defeated by all the brown people whose exploitation it feeds off, or our attempts to resist are doomed to be phagocyte by and destroy by it? 

Just a short note one the discussion about that video that is still flooding my dash. I need to say that I am not in a emotional state that allows to take on the whole thing now but I FEEL URGE TO ADDRESS ONE OF THE MANY ASPECTS I FIND EXTREMELY PROBLEMATIC: The fact that certain people think we truly live in a chivalrous society i.e. ‘Women think they can get away with putting their hands on men’.

REALLY???

REALLY THOUGH??

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??

Are you living in the same society where thousands of women die every year beaten to death by men?? Where rape culture dominates?? Where women are sexually harassed on the streets?? Where we FUCKING FEAR FOR OUR LIVES SIMPLY BECAUSE A MAN IS FOLLOWING US ?? Where we have to be nice to those who harass us by fear of being insulted or assaulted??

So what makes you think that in this climate and rape culture, where women fear for their lives and are terrified by men, we would be bold and foolish enough to think that we can get away with hitting a man. I have been groped so many times, yet I cannot even imagine ever slapping a man for doing that by fear of being beaten down or killed.

This set me off because by saying that women get a pass for putting their hands on men, this is first of all a fucking blatant lie and secondly, it invalidates the climate of fear most women live in within patriarchy.

Women do not think they can get away with putting their hands on men, this is patriarchal BS, used to justified domestic abuse i.e. ‘she may have started it’, ‘there is no way he went off like that for no reason’, ‘I am sure she said something or did something’ blabla blah 

You can discuss this issue, admit that many women can be abusers too - and let’s be honest here black women are already demonised as hysterical bitches - without propagating the false and highly damageable idea that we live in an equal society, where men fear women just as women fear them, and men are shamed for hitting women even when they hit them first! THIS IS NOT TRUE!

On alienation …

What is also interesting is the fact that there seems to be a good and acceptable forms of alienation versus a bad and shameful one. I have always found interesting how people would get overly defensive or even aggressive straightening yet shame those who bleach their skin of white-wash their genes. Like I said, I think that a good/bad or moralistic approach of issues of identity is more damageable than anything else. But it is interesting to note that most people do not want to see themselves as alienate, they do not want to accept and/or acknowledge that there are forces behind their awareness that guide, dictate and influence the most personal traits of their being. Yet they are really comfortable second guessing others, despite the fact that the subconscious doesnt work in a straightforward way, people are not simple equations and what may seems a way is rarely that way. I have been there so I can understand how one could feel attacked if one’s free will is questioned. 

I find sad and tragic the way politics takes over resistance groups who are set to fight ‘the system’ in a first place but keep reproducing it. 

One of the most tragic consequences is the mobilisation of bias - some issues get prioritised over others which is many cases are push and shut down and this is done to the benefit of very few and the detriment of many especially those with less power in those circles. This is unfair and damageable because on issues of identity, people go at a pace they see fit for the, it is beyond simply a matter of right of wrong, i.e. the creation of a new kind of moral which inevitably leads to the shaming of what is deemed unacceptable. Shame is one of the most powerful tools of repression.

An illustration of this is how alienation is treated and discussed within spaces supposedly safe. It is still considered shameful, something that must be hidden and/or used as a pretext to lambaste/silence/police others which is crazy because first of all, NONE of us can totally escape a reality shaped by our oppressors, hence the alienation that comes with it and secondly, alienation is as important as, if not more important than the mechanisms and structure of oppression in the experience of the oppressed. Alienation is basically the internal side of oppression, what is beneath the iceberg. I personally live oppression as a form of institutionalised abuse, which is why I am convinced that the trauma it causes to people and the different coping mechanisms they develop are worth understanding, analysing in depth and neutralising. Sweeping them under the rug, can only cause damages, things would get repressed deeper and their influence morphs in a way more difficult to defuse. From my experience, there is no moving on from abuse as long as the trauma has not been dealt with; the settings and circumstances may change externally, but if they remain the same  in one’s mind, one is still captive. For instance, in most of Africa, the apparent decolonisation - which in fact was not one - didn’t prompt a decolonisation of minds, to the contrary. As oppressed people, we gleefully embraced the poisonous system of our oppressors ( administration, laws, languages, borders …) and called it independence. To the point where, nowadays, we, the most westernised, are oppressing those who have chosen to preserve their indigenous identity. 

Light is hidden in the darkest side. All the ugly, shameful  unbearable, hidden and repressed stuff must be confronted head on. Victims of abuse should never be shamed or silence for expressing or going through trauma; the same can be applied to the oppressed. And things such as politics or putting up front for our oppressors can only lead to such a thing happening, key issues sidelined and dismissed as ‘petty in-fighting’ when it is through this that is built solidarity

Explosions In The Sky- Your Hand In Mine

 four years have gone by already. tragic and terrifying. “On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud Que de nos chagrins il s’en fait des manteaux

Eku Edewor in Jewel by Lisa

Paralysed & terrified

I absolutely HATE how people back home kiss up to white people! Stop it, they openly despise you, come on now! The higher in the social hierarchy, the more race-mixing there is.

Um OK then (¬_¬) #iamjustsayingthough

In Cameroon, light-skinned privilege and mixed-race privilege are two very very different things that may intertwine at times but are still very distinct. To be mixed-raced - independently of the skin tone - is basically to be white. Also almost ALL of the people in the elite have one or two western citizenships. 

But I must say though, that tribal cultural differences and history play heavily into this. Basically the way white people colonised the country and distributed the power among peoples, influence the relationship to whiteness and the degree of internalised racism. I know that my people has still not gotten over the fact that the white man tried to wipe us out during independence wars so race-mixing is seen as something 'dirty' and 'wrong’. I also know that Hausas frown upon race-mixing too. The younger generation is more open to it though.

However the tribe in power, basically the people from the South, who bent backward for whitey - and got rewarded for it - and were instrumental in the genocide against us, seem just to want to get rid of their genes ASAP. Chantal Biya, first lady *cough* *cough*, the wife of the president’s son and all the rest!

To all the children, teenagers and adults who are battling the intense turmoil of mental illness and behave in ways that are not understood or deemed unacceptable; to all of you who are humiliated, hurt, exploited, degraded, abused, condemned, ostracised and shunned because you cannot and you do not meet the standards set by this society; to all of you who are consumed by an indescribable and excruciating pain; to all of you who keep on keeping on despite the odds being against you

I stand in unity with you, I am one of you!

I created this blog to have a voice. Not only that but to learn and gain a deeper understanding of myself and the world in order to have more agency on my life. And this past year I have grown up more than the five previous years put together. So it is indeed a matter of survival when I feel the safety of my space threatened by a toxic climate of tension and fear. And due to social anxiety, socially ambiguous situations where a lot is not what it appears to be, where it is required from me to decrypt and make sense of faux cues people are sending such as passive-aggression, repressed anger and fear is absolutely unbearable to me. I just cannot deal with that shit and a lot of times, I would like to be like those who pay their internet connection, create a blog just to censor themselves, make desperate and hermetic posts where they try and take shot at people without seeming like it or addressing something that is bugging them but feel like they cannot do it directly and live in fear of fully expressing themselves because ‘they do not want drama' even if drama means having important issues dealt with rather than being eaten up by them and consumed by fear. Well I do not judge them, people handle as much as they can, people are in different stages in their lives, but this is just not me!! I am an impulsive person and I either have a voice or not! Full stop!!

I already have to deal with a real world where I am required to look down and lower my voice and I think this is the case for many of us here. That shit just wont fly over here and if I feel like dumping everything on the table I will do it! I dont do any social contract that requires me to negate or silence myself anymore and I wont compromise on this! I do not want my liberties to be conditional anymore and need the complete freedom to define myself. Once upon a time I thought this was the same from all of us here, judging from what people write about and their blogs. I just foolishly thought that most were here to challenge, defy and take on an oppressive society, NOT reproduce a carbon copy of it in this microcosm; and boy was I wrong on this one! Which is why for the longest I wondered why the most disgraceful, stupid, ignorant shit get approved in a frenetic and gleeful agitation by people clamouring 24/7 to want change, growth and revolution; To the point where dogma, censorship and ignorance have taken over. The pathological society, with its unfair hierarchy which crushes the weakest ones at the bottom, those who are fragile and vulnerable and can not stand for themselves, those who are scared, lonely and do not have a mob behind them, so get erased, silenced, humiliated and threatened … the pathological society, that we are supposedly all against has reborn here (sorry I think English failed me there :/).

And the only explanation I have for this is the fact that , well we are all here I think to find a refuge from the real world, a place where we can feel safe, find a group of people who go through the same things as we do and feel like we belong. This is understandable, this is normal, this is healthy. The problem though is that, from my point of view, most want it AT ANY COST, be it basic decency, moral, truth, knowledge. And this is an absolute tragedy because there can be NO growth, NO progress without the aforementioned things. I see it as basically the dilemma at the heart of every human existence. How much of our comfort are we ready to renounce for our principles?? How far out of our comfort zone are we ready to go in order to chase the ideals we believe in? Life starts at the end of the comfort zone! I think it is because of all of this that most discussions here never get past the reactionary stage! They never reach the point where self-assessment and nuance are needed because issues of identity are extremely personal, hence intrinsic to inner contradictions and conflicts, and not simply a matter of right or wrong, a matter of who can shout the loudest, a pissing match!

There is no challenge, no evolution, no learning, no grasping of the world mechanisms and  dynamics of power in a way that would produce solutions or appropriate coping mechanisms that could help us challenge the obstacles of every day life as oppressed. From what I have experienced these past few months on this website, I can affirm with certitude that the overwhelming majority of people here have ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING CLUE what they are blogging about. Very very few people understand what privileges and many concepts they blog about 24/7 are and how they work. Or maybe they only understand them when they get to throw at white people’s faces “Check your privilege!” in a vitriolic trance and only see themselves as victims and never agents in an oppressive structure. So yeah, there is indeed some sort of atrophy of intellectual and emotional capacities and this brings me to the impunity that fosters the culture of abuse here. Many here are above absolutely everything , in reference to to the hierarchical system that reproduces the silencing and abuse of the weakest. There is absolutely no fucking responsibility, no accountability and hence no fucking moral! While reading some of the absolutely imbecilic and gross shit that are said or happen on my dash I simply refuse to believe that most of the people involved are adults and in age to vote. There might be some sort of regression happening when some log online because I cannot imagine adults behaving in such an appalling and disgusting way in the real world! 

There are things I can control and things I can’t and these are few of them! I can control my eagerness to learn and challenge myself. I try to write in my sense-making quest and know that by doing so I expose myself to the vitriolic and toxic culture here. I know that the internet never forgets and that the hivemind never forgives but this is the price of growing I guess. It is indispensable to make mistakes, lose face and put my ego aside.  The worst thing that could happen to me would be to end up like one of the many ignorant and dumb sheep here that avidly swallow all the shit thrown at them in the safety of the comfort zone of delusions and miss out on amazing opportunities because they are blinded by their egos. If I ever use my privilege t oppress other, not amount of negative feedback on-line will never equal the reality of their oppression or suffering. So please never hesitate to challenge me or confront me. I have been told that my delivery may scare some people off lol, well like I said I am quite impulsive and passionate so it is nothing personal and if it was, I would state it openly.