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posts tagged "self"

The spectacle does not realize philosophy, it philosophizes reality, reducing everyone’s concrete life to a universe of speculation.

Guy Debord - The society of spectacle

Pieces of me 2

My being has been trained
   for so long to break itself into little
   pieces to fit alienating narratives that 
i cannot separate being from alienation
i cannot separate being from pain
i cannot separate being from
   renouncing to bits of myself
i cannot separate being from being
   swallowed, wrecked and tormented by
   the emptiness that ultimately comes as a result
i cannot separate being from drowning 
   in a chaos of delusions
i cannot separate being from grieving the 
   loss of my authentic self

Paralysis

I am the essence of chaos 

And every move is a deep and painful tear

On alienation …

What is also interesting is the fact that there seems to be a good and acceptable forms of alienation versus a bad and shameful one. I have always found interesting how people would get overly defensive or even aggressive straightening yet shame those who bleach their skin of white-wash their genes. Like I said, I think that a good/bad or moralistic approach of issues of identity is more damageable than anything else. But it is interesting to note that most people do not want to see themselves as alienate, they do not want to accept and/or acknowledge that there are forces behind their awareness that guide, dictate and influence the most personal traits of their being. Yet they are really comfortable second guessing others, despite the fact that the subconscious doesnt work in a straightforward way, people are not simple equations and what may seems a way is rarely that way. I have been there so I can understand how one could feel attacked if one’s free will is questioned. 

I find sad and tragic the way politics takes over resistance groups who are set to fight ‘the system’ in a first place but keep reproducing it. 

One of the most tragic consequences is the mobilisation of bias - some issues get prioritised over others which is many cases are push and shut down and this is done to the benefit of very few and the detriment of many especially those with less power in those circles. This is unfair and damageable because on issues of identity, people go at a pace they see fit for the, it is beyond simply a matter of right of wrong, i.e. the creation of a new kind of moral which inevitably leads to the shaming of what is deemed unacceptable. Shame is one of the most powerful tools of repression.

An illustration of this is how alienation is treated and discussed within spaces supposedly safe. It is still considered shameful, something that must be hidden and/or used as a pretext to lambaste/silence/police others which is crazy because first of all, NONE of us can totally escape a reality shaped by our oppressors, hence the alienation that comes with it and secondly, alienation is as important as, if not more important than the mechanisms and structure of oppression in the experience of the oppressed. Alienation is basically the internal side of oppression, what is beneath the iceberg. I personally live oppression as a form of institutionalised abuse, which is why I am convinced that the trauma it causes to people and the different coping mechanisms they develop are worth understanding, analysing in depth and neutralising. Sweeping them under the rug, can only cause damages, things would get repressed deeper and their influence morphs in a way more difficult to defuse. From my experience, there is no moving on from abuse as long as the trauma has not been dealt with; the settings and circumstances may change externally, but if they remain the same  in one’s mind, one is still captive. For instance, in most of Africa, the apparent decolonisation - which in fact was not one - didn’t prompt a decolonisation of minds, to the contrary. As oppressed people, we gleefully embraced the poisonous system of our oppressors ( administration, laws, languages, borders …) and called it independence. To the point where, nowadays, we, the most westernised, are oppressing those who have chosen to preserve their indigenous identity. 

Light is hidden in the darkest side. All the ugly, shameful  unbearable, hidden and repressed stuff must be confronted head on. Victims of abuse should never be shamed or silence for expressing or going through trauma; the same can be applied to the oppressed. And things such as politics or putting up front for our oppressors can only lead to such a thing happening, key issues sidelined and dismissed as ‘petty in-fighting’ when it is through this that is built solidarity

Osho’s Ten Commandments

nirvikalpa:

  • Never obey anyone’s command unless it is coming from within you also.
  • There is no God other than life itself.
  • Truth is within you, do not search for it elsewhere.
  • Love is prayer.
  • To become a nothingness is the door to truth. Nothingness itself is the means, the goal and attainment.
  • Life is now and here.
  • Live wakefully.
  • Do not swim—float.
  • Die each moment so that you can be new each moment.
  • Do not search. That which is, is. Stop and see.

I promised not to post about Osho because of how incredibly HOMOPHOBIC he was :/ Anyway this wisdom is not his but shared by most masters of meditation.

(via abmuk)

i am the opposite of cool

cynicalapathy:

i am like an uber computer nerd without the high iq or the computer knowledge 

Paralysed & terrified

To all the children, teenagers and adults who are battling the intense turmoil of mental illness and behave in ways that are not understood or deemed unacceptable; to all of you who are humiliated, hurt, exploited, degraded, abused, condemned, ostracised and shunned because you cannot and you do not meet the standards set by this society; to all of you who are consumed by an indescribable and excruciating pain; to all of you who keep on keeping on despite the odds being against you

I stand in unity with you, I am one of you!

howtobeterrell:

Will Smith in the movie “Six Degrees of Separation” talking about the J.D. Salinger novel “The Catcher in the Rye”

"What alarms me about the book - not the book so much as the aura about it - is this. The book is primarily about paralysis. The boy can’t function. At the end, before he can run away and start a new life, it starts to rain. He folds. There’s nothing wrong in writing about emotional and intellectual paralysis. It may, thanks to Chekhov and Samuel Beckett, be the great modern theme…

The aura around Salinger’s book - which, perhaps, should be read by everyone but young men - is this. It mirrors like a fun-house mirror, and amplifies like a distorted speaker one of the great tragedies of our times - the death of the imagination. Because what else is paralysis? The imagination has been so debased that imagination - being imaginative, rather than being the linch pin of our existence, now stands as a synonym for something outside ourselves. Like science fiction. Or some new use for tangerine slices on raw pork chops - ‘What an imaginative summer recipe.’ And Star Wars - ‘so imaginative’. And Star Trek - ‘so imaginative’. And Lord of the Rings, all those dwarves - ‘so imaginative’.

The imagination has moved out of the realm of being our link, our most personal link, with our inner lives and the world outside that world, this world we share. What is schizophrenia but a horrifying state where what’s in here doesn’t match what’s out there?

Why has imagination become a synonym for style? I believe the imagination is the passport that we create to help take us into the real world. I believe the imagination is merely another phrase for what is most uniquely us. Jung says, ‘The greatest sin is to be unconscious.’ Our boy Holden says, ‘What scares me most is the other guy’s face.’ ‘It wouldn’t be so bad if you could both be blindfolded.’ Most of the time, the faces that we face are not the other guys’, but our own faces. And it is the worst kind of yellowness to be so scared of yourself that you put blindfolds on rather than deal with yourself. To face ourselves - that’s the hard thing. The imagination - that’s God’s gift. To make the act of self-examination bearable.”

I created this blog to have a voice. Not only that but to learn and gain a deeper understanding of myself and the world in order to have more agency on my life. And this past year I have grown up more than the five previous years put together. So it is indeed a matter of survival when I feel the safety of my space threatened by a toxic climate of tension and fear. And due to social anxiety, socially ambiguous situations where a lot is not what it appears to be, where it is required from me to decrypt and make sense of faux cues people are sending such as passive-aggression, repressed anger and fear is absolutely unbearable to me. I just cannot deal with that shit and a lot of times, I would like to be like those who pay their internet connection, create a blog just to censor themselves, make desperate and hermetic posts where they try and take shot at people without seeming like it or addressing something that is bugging them but feel like they cannot do it directly and live in fear of fully expressing themselves because ‘they do not want drama' even if drama means having important issues dealt with rather than being eaten up by them and consumed by fear. Well I do not judge them, people handle as much as they can, people are in different stages in their lives, but this is just not me!! I am an impulsive person and I either have a voice or not! Full stop!!

I already have to deal with a real world where I am required to look down and lower my voice and I think this is the case for many of us here. That shit just wont fly over here and if I feel like dumping everything on the table I will do it! I dont do any social contract that requires me to negate or silence myself anymore and I wont compromise on this! I do not want my liberties to be conditional anymore and need the complete freedom to define myself. Once upon a time I thought this was the same from all of us here, judging from what people write about and their blogs. I just foolishly thought that most were here to challenge, defy and take on an oppressive society, NOT reproduce a carbon copy of it in this microcosm; and boy was I wrong on this one! Which is why for the longest I wondered why the most disgraceful, stupid, ignorant shit get approved in a frenetic and gleeful agitation by people clamouring 24/7 to want change, growth and revolution; To the point where dogma, censorship and ignorance have taken over. The pathological society, with its unfair hierarchy which crushes the weakest ones at the bottom, those who are fragile and vulnerable and can not stand for themselves, those who are scared, lonely and do not have a mob behind them, so get erased, silenced, humiliated and threatened … the pathological society, that we are supposedly all against has reborn here (sorry I think English failed me there :/).

And the only explanation I have for this is the fact that , well we are all here I think to find a refuge from the real world, a place where we can feel safe, find a group of people who go through the same things as we do and feel like we belong. This is understandable, this is normal, this is healthy. The problem though is that, from my point of view, most want it AT ANY COST, be it basic decency, moral, truth, knowledge. And this is an absolute tragedy because there can be NO growth, NO progress without the aforementioned things. I see it as basically the dilemma at the heart of every human existence. How much of our comfort are we ready to renounce for our principles?? How far out of our comfort zone are we ready to go in order to chase the ideals we believe in? Life starts at the end of the comfort zone! I think it is because of all of this that most discussions here never get past the reactionary stage! They never reach the point where self-assessment and nuance are needed because issues of identity are extremely personal, hence intrinsic to inner contradictions and conflicts, and not simply a matter of right or wrong, a matter of who can shout the loudest, a pissing match!

There is no challenge, no evolution, no learning, no grasping of the world mechanisms and  dynamics of power in a way that would produce solutions or appropriate coping mechanisms that could help us challenge the obstacles of every day life as oppressed. From what I have experienced these past few months on this website, I can affirm with certitude that the overwhelming majority of people here have ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING CLUE what they are blogging about. Very very few people understand what privileges and many concepts they blog about 24/7 are and how they work. Or maybe they only understand them when they get to throw at white people’s faces “Check your privilege!” in a vitriolic trance and only see themselves as victims and never agents in an oppressive structure. So yeah, there is indeed some sort of atrophy of intellectual and emotional capacities and this brings me to the impunity that fosters the culture of abuse here. Many here are above absolutely everything , in reference to to the hierarchical system that reproduces the silencing and abuse of the weakest. There is absolutely no fucking responsibility, no accountability and hence no fucking moral! While reading some of the absolutely imbecilic and gross shit that are said or happen on my dash I simply refuse to believe that most of the people involved are adults and in age to vote. There might be some sort of regression happening when some log online because I cannot imagine adults behaving in such an appalling and disgusting way in the real world! 

There are things I can control and things I can’t and these are few of them! I can control my eagerness to learn and challenge myself. I try to write in my sense-making quest and know that by doing so I expose myself to the vitriolic and toxic culture here. I know that the internet never forgets and that the hivemind never forgives but this is the price of growing I guess. It is indispensable to make mistakes, lose face and put my ego aside.  The worst thing that could happen to me would be to end up like one of the many ignorant and dumb sheep here that avidly swallow all the shit thrown at them in the safety of the comfort zone of delusions and miss out on amazing opportunities because they are blinded by their egos. If I ever use my privilege t oppress other, not amount of negative feedback on-line will never equal the reality of their oppression or suffering. So please never hesitate to challenge me or confront me. I have been told that my delivery may scare some people off lol, well like I said I am quite impulsive and passionate so it is nothing personal and if it was, I would state it openly. 

~ Ignorance and rewriting history.

kneelingelephant:

I was watching a youtube video and one of the commenter pointed out: Who goes to Africa and names the most ancient human fossil which is of African origin, names this fossil “Lucy”.

And who goes deep into Africa and names the largest water fall “Victoria” as if the water fall has no history and rich culture associated to it? Only a racist privileged bigot who doesn’t even realize they’re racist. And that’s how people slowly distort history and rewrite facts. Imagine if one of the earliest if not the earliest human fossil had a clear sounding African name, how would that change how you view yourself? To know your genetic makeup is African and the very fist people to be humans, the very first people who made humans were African, imagine how that small fact would change the world outlook on Africa and Africans? But that opportunity is denied to many by small yet monumental changes such as naming an African fossil after a white English woman and calling it “Lucy”. This totally REWRITES everything.

Who does all of this??

Well the same person that name the land of our ancestors ‘AFRICA’ after an Italian historian called Leo Africanus.

Even ‘African’ as an identity is TOTALLY constructed by whiteness. It is a concept alien to our people prior colonisation. None of our reality has been untouched or untamed by whiteness! Even what we see as ‘ancestral traditions’. Nope! It still amazes me when I meet black people who do not understand that we can literally not escape whiteness even in the depths of our identity so let’s just face it and confront it head on.

I have moved past the stage where I would fantasize for a lost paradise because that is just a denial of my present as a child of colonialism, with a Christian name like my ancestors for about 5 generations who lives in an Euro-centric world, speaks and thinks in Euro-centric languages with Euro-centric ways. To yearn for the past is just a denial of my reality, it is rejection of who I am today, how my ancestors have fought for me, how I am still fighting for myself. I cant change what happen and we should not I think do that because those scars in the history of my people made me who I am today. I can at best be aware of myself and the dynamics at play that made and are making me who I am and understand how even with the little power I have I influence and shape the world and go from there. I cannot yearn for past traditions to make me who I am - because let be honest, many of these traditions were very oppressive too - and I wont let a destructive system further alienates me, so I must accept myself here right now and decide who I am, who I want to be, where I am going and how I would get there. This is resistance/resilience through acceptance. It is in the present that we create and prepare the future. I mean life is a perpetual present. So if I look back or away it is just for inspiration and examples but self-determination start with I, right, now, it is being free of dogmatic concepts either them being from our ancestors or oppressors. As long as I am alive, my cultures i.e. how I make sense of teh world and interact with it, will be alive.

kneelingelephant:

powerful.

Wow who wrote this *_*

kneelingelephant:

powerful.

Wow who wrote this *_*

(via diasporianprince)